How to choose the right wedding venue: Q&A with Melisa Johnson

Senior Catering Sales Manager at La Playa Carmel, Melisa Johnson and Celebrity Wedding Planner, David Tutera

As Senior Catering Sales Manager at La Playa Carmel, Melisa Johnson oversees all of their weddings and events. She has led events teams for nearly 30 years at some of the Bay Area’s most iconic and exclusive venues. We caught up with Melisa for advice about choosing a wedding venue.

EH: What are the most important things a couple should be thinking about when looking for the right venue?

Melisa: First and foremost, it’s important to understand what the vision is for the couple's wedding and  to ensure that the venue matches that aesthetic.  Couples will fall in love with a venue before having a clear sense of their vision, which makes it harder to plan and create their dream wedding.

For example, wanting a rustic, chic, farm look while loving a venue that offers an Italian Villa vibe and decor. A couple will end up fighting the aesthetics of the villa when choosing flowers, decor, and lighting while trying to create their vision and aesthetic. As a result, they end up spending a lot more money to make the venue fit their vision and “vibe”.

EH: What are the do’s and don’ts when choosing a venue?

Melisa: I would say, don't start to look at venues until you have an idea of your guest count and a true, comfortable budget.  I’d recommend determining the  guest list first, and then what venue features are most important to you. If you're going with a venue that’s known for their food and elevated service, but those aren’t important to you, then that venue may not be right for you 

 For example, some couples choose to have fewer people attend because they want to focus more on food and decor. Other couples are more interested in ensuring their friends and extended family can attend, therefore are willing to relax the food and beverage offerings at the venue. Remember when selecting a venue, you can change a menu, you can change the decor, but you can’t change the size or capacity of a building. 

I’d also recommend that you don’t sign a contract with a venue until you’ve spoken with a few vendors that have worked at that venue. It's great to talk to those vendors to get a sense of how flexible the venue is and how the venue’s team works. If you can have them provide referrals to vendors they’ve worked with or couples who have been married there, that’s a great way to make sure you’re choosing the right venue. 

Sometimes venues are bound by city ordinances and sometimes venue rules can be steadfast and if there’s something you have to have, and they don’t allow that, that’s an easy way to knock a venue off your list.

Your venue is going to act as a general contractor — they’ll oversee and make the rules — so you want to make sure that it’s a good fit.

If you have some must-haves like dietary restrictions, religious ceremonies, or you’ve just gotta have cigars, make sure the venue can accommodate your must-haves before you sign a contract.

EH: How far in advance do couples need to choose a wedding venue?

Melisa: It really depends on the location and the size of the wedding. Some locations are a year and half out because there are very limited venue options. Other areas have so many possibilities that booking closer to your date will get you a better deal.

I’d say across the board, most couples like to book about a year out. That gives them time to research their vendors, to enjoy tastings, and to enjoy the process. For example, here in Carmel, there are not a lot of wedding venues that can hold over 100 people; there are only three or four.  Whereas, in San Francisco couples have a variety of venues and  hotels to choose from. 

Most people start calling venues about a year out. You can get a good idea pretty quickly if you start calling around and most of the dates that you want are already booked. In that case you might want to either reconsider the venue or push the wedding out to a later date.

Also, the other thing to keep in mind is the seasons. Peak season in Northern California (September through October) is going to book up first before January through April or November. How far out you book really depends on where the wedding is and what the peak seasons are in that place.

EH: Before reaching out to venues, what should couples do to prepare themselves to find the right one for their wedding? 

Melisa: First, enjoy being engaged — enjoy the moment. Take your time. I always suggest couples think about what weddings you’ve been to or that you’ve seen that inspired you. What parts about those weddings really spoke to you as a couple and reflect who you are? Is it a rustic wedding? Is it a wedding at a library? Is it on the beach? 

Figure out what your style is. Once you’ve figured out what kind of venue you want — whether it’s a barn, a hotel, or a field — look at your guest list to see what size it’s going to be. Next, determine what your budget is going to be. Your budget should go to the things that are most important to you. 

I see the most frustration happening when people come to do a tour and they have no idea what colors they’re using. They don’t know if they want farm tables or linen tables, and it’s hard for them to pick a venue or vendors if they don’t have a really good idea of what they want their day to look like.

The worst thing to do is to pick a venue because you love it and later realize that you fell in love with the venue and the pricing but what they allow or what they can provide doesn’t match your vision or style.

EH: What is the most common mistake couples make when starting the search for a venue?

Melisa: The most common mistake is that couples fall in love with a venue that’s just not going to work for them. They have their hearts set on one thing but they can’t make their vision, budget, or guestlist mesh. 

When it comes to choosing the right venue, I’d recommend focusing on the quality of the venues that you look at rather than the quantity. Instead of touring 20 venues that are all across the board, focus on the ones that meet your vision and needs.

I’d say one of the biggest mistakes is calling a bunch of venues, getting 15 different pricing structures and getting overwhelmed in the process. That’s when it can become unenjoyable.

Also, make sure to ask for photos of what a standard set looks like there. Most venues publish photos of extravagant, customized weddings at their property with every upgrade included. That’s not necessarily how you’re going to be handed the venue. You’ll want to make sure to check what the basic linens, tables, and wedding sets look like. You’ll want to make sure all of those things match your vision and budget.

EH: What are the most important questions couples should be asking venues during their search?

Melisa: Before you even book a tour, ask about the things that are deal breakers to you. For example: What are their start and end times? Depending on city ordinances, some wedding venues can go to 1am and some can only go until 10pm.

If your party has any dietary needs including kosher or religious foods that need to be brought in, can that be accommodated? If you have to have your dog in the ceremony, is the venue pet friendly? 

If you have to go with their preferred vendors but you have your heart set on a photographer from your sister's wedding for example, and that's not allowed, then there’s no reason to continue with that venue. 

Ask all your deal breaker questions upfront before you even organize a tour. After your deal breakers, the next questions are about capacity, start and end times, don’t forget to ask about the things you don’t want to have. For example, at a lot of wineries, you can only serve their wine. If that won’t work for you it’s good to know that in advance. 

EH: What words of wisdom would you give new brides trying to put together their ideal wedding day?

Melisa: Think about weddings you’ve seen or been to that you loved and figure out what you loved about them. Be cautious of Pinterest and styled photoshoots that might nott translate into the real world. 

Also it’s important to remember that your guests are coming to your wedding to celebrate you. You don’t have to keep them entertained the whole time. Really try to make your wedding a reflection of who you are as a couple. If you’re both really into mountain biking, then maybe try to incorporate that into your wedding. But don’t try to be everything to everybody.

Also, really think about the things you’ve liked at weddings you’ve attended, things that have tugged on your heart strings and make sure to share that with your vendors so they can recreate it in a way that’s true to you.

A lot of brides get caught up in trying to appease everyone around them. But it's okay to say no. It's okay to take advice from your family and do things that are respectful of your family. But make sure it really is about you and your bride or groom. 

If you've got a lot of family providing a lot of opinions, then it might be a good idea to hire a planner to help act as a buffer. I've always said to brides and grooms, the day of your wedding I'm your buffer. I can tell aunt so-and-so that she can’t go in the bridal room because the bride needs some private time and I can do that in a nice and respectful way. But that might be hard for the bride to say.

Unless you’re the kind of bride that knows exactly what you want, don’t rush into picking a venue and don’t feel rushed by family. If you don’t know exactly what you want, take the time to figure out what will make you happy.

If things start to become stressful in the planning process take a step back, refocus, put the place cards down, and go away for the weekend or find a way to relax. 

EH: What are your thoughts about preferred lists and how to choose vendors?

Melisa: If you have a venue and they have a preferred vendor list, it’s always good to use their preferred vendors because those vendors understand the ins-and-outs of loading in, timelines, and what they need to supply for that particular venue.

Also, it’s good to ask vendors about each other. From a venue standpoint, some vendors are wonderful with a client but can be difficult for the venue or other vendors. 

With your photographer, make sure you love their personality because they’ll be with you more than anyone else that day. They’ll be shadowing you all day. So, it’s important that they’re someone whose personality you really adore.

Most importantly, pick vendors that you trust and let them do what they do best, especially the venue. If they suggest that something might not work and they recommend something else instead, take that to heart because they have unique insight into what works and doesn’t work so well at their venue. It’s good to be open to their suggestions. 

Ask the hard questions upfront. There’s nothing wrong with saying: “I want this many people; this is my budget; here are my dealbreakers; what can you do for it?” Because at some point you’re going to have that conversation about capacity and budget — you can’t avoid it. So it’s better to do it upfront. 

EH: Tell me a bit about what you’re seeing in terms of trends in the wedding venue space.

Melisa: People are moving away from bigger weddings and we’re seeing a lot more wedding weekends with smaller groups. They’ll often have a welcome reception, a wedding reception and a farewell brunch. 

People are enjoying the opportunity to bring all their family and friends from both sides together. That’s likely never going to happen again. So to really enjoy the experience, people are turning their weddings into a multi-day celebration.